I am in the process of reading 1984. I find it very unsettling. I find it less unsettling than Brave New World. There, here ends my Strand 80 update. Because this is a place where I put my thoughts and my thoughts are not on the Strand 80 right now.
I was just lying in bed. (Suffering from the heat. I feel like its very writerly to suffer from the heat) and I was thinking about the things that make me sad. Not the vague idea of "things that make me sad" but really the specific things that make me sad. I don't know why, but its probably because its July 1st which is 28 days from July 29th which is when I am going to be 22 1/2 (gross).
Maybe its not a good idea to dwell on these things. Maybe I should stop comparing my moods to inanimate objects that can't hold them. But sometimes, when I try to suppress them, I feel like I'm not paying them due respect.
So as I was lying in bed I had another image pop into my head that describes how I've been feeling. Like a dandelion seed. Let me explain.
Two months ago I was part of a dandelion that had yet to be disturbed. I was rooted in a dependable place that felt like home. I was surrounded by people who might not have been just like me, but they were dependably on my flower. They were similiar to me in the sense that they had chosen to spend their time in a beautiful place. And when I'm honest I think there was something about all of us that pulled us together and held us there. "Meant to be." Whatever you kids are calling it these days.
But then we scattered. And here are some important things I realized. A dandelion seed scattered away from its flower is not any less a dandelion seed. In fact, once it is blown away it can fulfill what it was actually meant to do all along. But it had no more innate worth on the flower then it does off the flower. It is still a dandelion seed.
I also realized that it would be extremely hard for any one seed to keep track of where all the others were going. One or two, it may be lucky with, but the others will probably be long gone and forgotten.
Now, I don't worry about forgetting my other seedlings. I've never been that kind of person. I remember things and people and I turn them over in my mind and my heart everyday (sometimes to the point where it gets too much to bear). But I definitely worry about the other dandelion seeds forgetting me. Travelling just a little too far away and staying a little too silent for too long.
I don't know. Does this make any sense at all. I'll attach a picture to mask my confusion.
This was fantastic. That dandelion analogy was so cool. To agree with you- I have come to realize everything that used to be important to me is now suddenly in the back burner. Unfortunately as we grow older "the world" around us seems to keep up us too busy to notice the little things go by. It has been about 4 years since we graduated High School, that's crazy. I found out yesterday that a kid I went to high school with died of cancer. Even though I haven't spoken to him since high school, it's like "wow, where'd the time go." Life is so short and it moves so fast. Don't worry you have a good head on your shoulders, and you'll leave your mark on everybody you meet. I'm sorry to say this, but even though we don't talk anymore, I never forgot about you. You're a special person, always remember that. :)
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